What I was not prepared for, was the heart break I’d feel when I finally came around that corner to snuggle with the first baby I’d brought home nearly five years ago, only to find him layed out on the couch...already asleep. He looked 6 feet tall stretched out there. I’d missed him. Was this the new normal? And will someone please tell me where my baby went? I swear I felt the weight of a ton of bricks on my chest, and I felt like my heart would break in half. Who’s been hiding this secret from me? Why didn’t anyone tell me my baby was half way grown? I can’t explain how it felt in that instant to realize how big he was, and to recognize that I’d never noticed until then. I think I lost my mind for about two days. My husband thinks I did too.
Even though that was hard, watching him become a big brother has been totally worth it! Just when I think I couldn’t be any more proud of him, I get to watch his high maintenance, sassy, my way or the highway little self, melt into the most caring, selfless, protective, proud new big brother you ever did see. He has totally surprised me. I knew he would be crazy about Jett, but I didn’t know how crazy! When Judah goes to school, Jett gets all the lovin’ and I get instructed to take pictures of him smiling during the day. Every day, and I mean every day, Judah asks “Mom? How’s Jett doing? Is he eating good for me?”
Being a big brother is half of who he is, and being a little brother is the other half! He always has adored Landon, and I know he always will. Those two boys truly have something special. At breakfast this morning, Judah was still talking about how “Bubba whopped that piñata so bad!” at his minion birthday party yesterday. I wondered aloud to Tim how that must’ve looked in Judahs eyes when his big brother swung the bat and busted that thing! They still take baths together. They want to sleep together every night. They play basketball together, legos, and they wrestle all. the. time. To Judah, no one compares to Landon! He’s his shadow when he’s home, and Lord help us all when he’s gone.
My Judah Bear is one of a kind. There is not another soul out there like his! He is wild and wonderful, and has the biggest personality of anyone, kids and adults, that I’ve ever known! He tells the best stories about hunting, “killing deers and eating their ribs” lol and finding snakes, and “when I was in college,” though “it was just a dream!” He never meets a stranger, and you never have to wonder what he’s thinking because he will always tell you! Judah is my funny guy and we love telling knock knock jokes at dinner! Sometimes they even make sense! When I tuck him in at night, he likes me to do “crazy kisses,” where I gum his cheeks to pieces while he hollers and pretends to try and escape, while saying “Mom, keep doing it!” We read books. He helps me cook dinner, and has to taste everything!
He is such a feeler, and experiences every single emotion in a huge way! He challenges me every single day in good ways, and hard ways too (of course, has nothing to do with us both being so hard headed!) but I would not change a single thing about him! He gives the best hugs and kisses and makes my heart flutter every time he says “Mom. I love you. But sometimes you stink!” Thanks, Febreeze. But, I’ll take it.
When I carried him, I prayed that my body would somehow be enough to help him grow strong and healthy, and that I could be everything he needed me to be. To this day, my prayer is the same, that through God’s infinite grace and mercy, I can be the Mom he needs, to help him be happy and healthy, and to reach his fullest potential, to foster those things in his heart, ordained by the Creator, to be who and what He is meant to be.
Over the past year, I’ve kept a note in my phone of things he’s done and said that I never want to forget! There’s nothing like having a second baby to make you realize how easily and quickly those unforgettables, get forgotten. So, today, while I’m celebrating my sweet boy turning FIVE Years old, I hope you guys can enjoy some of these unforgettables with me!!
1/22 Judah: "can you pick a boy?" "I don't get to pick! Jesus picks!" "Hey Jesus! Can you pick a boy?"
"I don't want to go to school because he's gonna' miss me!"
1/27 my baby can sleep with me and snuggle!
"Mom, I love you! I'm so glad you're my baby!"
2/26 When it was raining earlier Judah said the angels were crying because Jesus went to Larry's pizza and they missed him
3/25 "I love your kisses the best, momma!"
4/12/17 night prayer: "Jesus name, help the angry birds get the pigs. Father, we love you and we love gettin' those pigs. Jesus name, amen."
4/13 after his ballgame to one of his teammates "holler if you need anything!"
5/6 after going to babies r us ... "mom, after we wake up can we go to the baby store? It was awesome!"
5/11 "momma, I love you! But sometimes you stink!"
5/12 after a T-ball game "we couldn't have done it without you mom!"
6/8 "I like you mom! You're the best mom I ever seen!"
6/15 Judah felt Jett move! He also had a dream last night that Landon was holding Jett and then gave him to him to hold.
7/31 Judah in the morning. "I'm checking to see if my pee pee is big, because if it goes way over here, it's humongous!"
8/17 Judah brought me a flower. I said thank you so much!! He said you're welcome princess peach!
9/9/17 Judah: "I think there's some people in my booty shooting a firework! That's why I pooted!"
9/13/17 Judah: First, we get my hair cut! Then, we save the world! Deal? And then, we get bubby, second!"
9/14/17 our conversation this morning.
Judah: mom, why do people kiss?
Me: just to show someone they love them!
Judah: well, I wanna kiss Jaycee!
Me: aww! You love jaycee?
Judah: yeah!
Me: well at least she's a sweet girl!
Landon: and she's sassy!
Judah: oh yeah!
9/18/17 "you know what the best part about you, mom? Is that you're pretty!"
9/24/17 Judah- mom you don't smell like poop. You smell like a flower!
10/2/17 Judah put a ring on my finger "this is true love, is for you momma!"
10/17/17 Judah at Landon’s parent teacher conference “that’s Jett Jett, sometimes he eats milk out of my mom’s boobies!”
11/2/17
Judah what do you want for Christmas?
A girl dog, a kitty cat, a frog, Pine cones and my own house, food with a kitchen, and I want a mario race track with mario in it and I want a mario playset and I want a mario City world and I want bowser with Luigi and Yoshi and I want my own dishes and that’s all I want for Christmas! And I want another Batman car and the Robin car is the one I want, and a new bicycle and another shark. And that’s about all I want. Can you write that on my list? And I want some marshmallows, some real ones from Santa clause and I want my own Christmas tree in my room.
11/17 “I love you Mom! The best part I like about staying with you, is being with you!”
11/22 “you look beautiful Mom! Have a good date!” (Before going on a date with Tim)
12/2 going to look for Christmas decorations for his tree
Me: “let’s try the dollar general first, because they might have more Christmas stuff than the Family Dollar”
Judah “well dang bro! Let’s do it!”
While in DG, he got some flowers and said “I was trying to marry you, Mom”
12/9 “Jett can have this (his lion king lovey that landon picked out for him before he was born). Because I’m a big brother now and this is a little brother thing. So he can have it. It’s his now.”
And my most favorite of all, on 12/3, Jett hadn’t slept much that day, he was sort of unsettled, like maybe his stomach hurt. He was laying on the boppy, fussing, and having a hard time going to sleep. Judah came over and prayed for him “...let Jett’s belly not hurt. In Jesus’ name.” and he went to sleep instantly, and slept so well for 1-2 hours. When we pointed out to Judah that Jett settled and slept after he prayed for him, he said Jesus told him to pray for Jett.
There’s no amount of words (even though I’ve sure given it a run on this post lol) that could say how much joy Judah has given his dad and me, or how much we love our boy! He will FOREVER be my Judah Bear!
We named him “Judah” for a reason, and we will ALWAYS “give praise for the one who is like God.”
