Ramble, Ramble

Wow! I have gone a whole month this time. But, I have made a vow to myself to not feel "pressured" to blog. Pretty much, if I don't feel like it, I don't do it. LOL! I don't have that choice with many other things in my life, so I guess that's me exercising some power!
We are 24 weeks and 3 days, today. Our house hasn't sold yet. And, we have picked out Judah's furniture!
I guess that about sums it up, eh? I am feeling pretty good these days for the most part. I haven't been sick in a long time and my meds seem to be controlling the acid reflux. However, I certainly feel things stretching and moving about....if you know what I mean. And, I have self-diagnosed myself (with the help of Google) with Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. Sounds fun huh! Pretty much, my pubic bones are separating already because of the hormone, relaxin. I was going to call my doctor about the pain, but I had no idea how to even describe what was going on without being completely and totally embarassed out of my mind. Thank the Lord for Google. My husband is the king of Google diagnoses. He gets a new one every day. I guess thanks to this "SPD," I have lost my rights to making fun of him for it. Well, maybe not. ;) It's ok though. He is [mostly] a good sport! Really, I have a super incredible husband who loves me unconditionally and keeps me balanced all at the same time. I don't have a husband who tells me what I want to hear. I have a husband who ventures into the land of confrontation to help me stay balanced and be the best I can be. He's not concerned with making me feel good (well, he is, but you know what I mean). He is concerned with being the leader of our lives and our marriage and helping me to make sure my heart is pure in the sight of the Lord...at the risk of sounding super cheesy and hyper-religious. Anyhow, that comes from a place that I don't care to discuss, but would just like everyone reading this blog to know how thankful I am for Tim, and especially for his heart. He is truly an amazing man and does such an incredible job at being the head of our home. Don't be fooled though. He's not perfect. That's why WWE is on our TV screen right now. YUCK! ;) 
I have had a few emotional bouts lately, very strange ones. There was one week when I felt like if someone pricked me with a pin, there was a very good chance that I would explode. I didn't really know what explode would mean, or what it would look like, and believe me, I thought about it. But, I felt like I couldn't tolerate anyone or anything at all! I haven't ever felt that way before. It felt pretty gross. I attributed it to pregnancy, and situations, of course. (This happened to be the week after my brother moved to Tennessee....AND....my parents were gone to Florida.) Brother and parents in a different state + pregnancy hormones = unknown explosion that I hope niether I, nor you, ever see in our lifetimes.
Since we brought up the ol' move to TN, we might as well just put it out there. That was definitely the reason I didn't blog at the beginning of the month....because I didn't want to throw up all my emotions on y'all. I will admit, the drive home after moving Josh to TN, and a few times that first week were really hard. But, I truly believe God gives us grace for the place, and this was just another example. I have done much better with this whole move thing than I expected, but it is very hard to be upset when your favorite big brother in the whole world is calling, basically every day, with something else that's happened that is so perfect that it's ridiculous. There are so many things I could tell you guys about that have lined up so perfectly. There's just no mistaking that he is exactly where he is supposed to be for this season. It really is nuts! Anyway.... He is doing great and loving Knoxville! Annnnnd.....he will be home for a 3 days visit this weekend!!! Yaaaayyyy!!!!  He is probably not going to believe how round I am  Judah is.
I was thinking yesterday about how much our relationship has changed and how thankful I am for it. Josh is really my best friend! We haven't always been this close. In fact, we hated each other for a while. Mom would alwaaaays say "You better be nice. One day you're going to need each other!" We didn't believe her, but now I do. It was him that was there for me during the most difficult time of my life. When I was confused, heartbroken and felt like I was going crazy, literally, because everything I knew was changing and my whole world was turned upside down! He was just a phone call away, and I swear, was the one who kept me sane. He would always say "No, you're not [going crazy]. You're in a very good place!" And on the other side of that place, I saw that he was right, but it was the trust I had in him that helped me survive until then. Then, we lived together for a year, that was absolutely one of the best things ever! It was truly a time of healing for both of us. It was also a time for late night drinks and half price appetizers at Applebee's all throughout Christmas break!!!! SCORE!!! :) You know those times that are so awful that even your closest friends have trouble with..... it hurts them to see you hurting, so they tend to shy away....p.s. I have done that, myself.....but during those times for me, he didn't shy away. Right there in the middle of my tears and my brokenness, was him. Usually with no need for words, just being there. He taught me what it meant to be content with only Jesus when everything else was chaos. He's the type that understands me without asking a single question and can offer the utmost reassurance with just a smile or a scratch on the back. He's also the one who woke up and went to Walgreen's at 3 am to get me pain meds. And, the one who brought me flowers just to let me know he appreciated me. And, I think he was more excited than even Tim and I on our wedding day!!! ....... Well, forgive me while I've gone all nostalgic on y'all! LOL! But.... I am pretty sentimental, and definitely emotional right now lol....but Josh's house is on the market and he most likely never live in that house again. To me, him moving out of the house was kind of like the end to a season that was what I considered to be the most crucial season of my life, and not to mention one of the greatest! Now, he will always be so important and so much a part of my life. No question about that. But, maybe you can see why the dreaded move was so dreaded! However, with ends comes new beginnings and I could not be more excited about his new beginning! There. Maybe I can move on with myself now. LOL.
Let's talk about Judah!! He is moving like CRAZY!!! And, my oh my, it is the most incredible feeling ever!! I usually lay on my back for a few minutes before I turn to my side to go to sleep, and that is when little man gets busy in there! His movements can't really be felt from the outside yet, but Tim and I both saw him  move big time Friday night! It was awesome! I really can't wait to meet the little guy. Niether can Landon! He is so stinking excited!! He has become my health police. Everything I eat, he says "Is that healthy for baby?" Too cute, huh! He loves his little brother already!!
Tim and I had a nice, long, conversation tonight about delivery anxieties...you know....natural, being induced, c-section??????????????????? That is how I feel. I have been reading and talking to a few people I trust, but this is such a touchy subject. Some folks are so concerned with pushing their beliefs on you that you can't even separate out their biased opinions from what is logical. I have thought about opening up the discussion on facebook just to get some ideas and reasons why people believe what they do. But, people can't just leave it at that. So, I will probably avoid that can of worms and continue talking with people around me and praying for the best decisions for Judah and me.
This post has sort of been more like a ramble than a pregnancy update. Maybe I will do better next time around, but no promises! :)

Good one, mom.

20 weeks, 5 days  We're over halfway now! I have conquered more time than I have left! (I know it's not that much, but it sure makes me feel gooooood!)
I'm going to tell a story about my first big mommy blunder.
Keep in mind that I had just began an antibiotic known to turn bodily fluids bright orange. Kind of like Gatorade, really.
So, my favorite big brother and best friend is moving to TN for grad school...yada yada....I'm not going to write about that because I'm already feeling emotional after a long day at work. Anyway, so to "celebrate," he, some friends and us went to TGI Friday's Friday night and then planned to go to the Rumba. The Rumba, by class, is a restaurant, but has a bar, and is sort of a bar like scene. We have been there and enjoyed it before. It is, It was a fairly calm, relaxed place, with comfy bench seats that I really like. When we got there Friday night, there was evena  family with small children eating at [our] table. It started off normal, but then it appeared that Jersey Shore came to Little Rock and invaded our once calm, relaxed hang out. There was a massive group of big haired girls in little bitty clothes and meat head guys, also in little bitty clothes. The longer I sat there, the worse I felt. "This is no place for a pregnant lady." .... "How could you be so senseless?" ...... "What part of going down town sounded good for a wee little 20 week old baby?"....."He can hear everything going on. He must feel so stressed out." ....The thoughts that circled through my mind. Finally, I told Tim and my Friend Josie that I was ready to go. On the drive back to the restaurant to drop off Josie at her car, I started feeling sick...holding back a few gags in the truck as to try and not completely gross out my husband and my friend. I'm not sure if it was the spinach dip, the late night, the heat, the stress....or maybe all of those...that caused me to be so sick. We no more got into the parking lot that I swung open the door and bolted for the grass. It was really bad. Poor Josie. She is such a champ. If having a baby required a maid of honor, she would be a two-timer for me! She so calmly held my hair out of the disgusting load that was coming out of my mouth, and waited so patiently for me to finish. Of course I peed myself, what's new about that? I sat on a plastic bag on the way home. I felt better for a minute, but by the time we got home I made a mad dash for the bathroom and continued the puke fest once again. I was able to move the rugs this time, since I was already expecting the uncontrollable urination. I'm pretty sure this was the sickest I've been. Even worse than the Olive Garden incident. I was so sick, and so miserable. I was bawling uncontrollably. I heard my husband ask if I was okay and just as I got up I turned around to notice a big, bright orange puddle in the bathroom floor. He assumed the answer to his question was "no." However, he was ever so sweet and so patient and cleaned up after me while I went to take a shower. You know, growing a human being in my womb should make me feel like a SUPER human! Though, when you are puking in parking lots, riding home on plastic bags and your husband has to "clean up after you," that feeling is a little more like INhuman. Funny how that works. Needless to say, this little momma won't be making ANY trips down town any time soon!
In other news:
I think I'm beginning to feel little Judah in my belly! I'm ready for the first big movement that I know for SURE is him! I've been on a search for his bedding! And, I think we've found his furniture! I go back to the doctor next Tuesday and am looking forward to taking big brother Landon with me so he can hear his little brother's heart beat! He and I have began a tradition of singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to baby Judah every night! Melts my heart. I am so eager to meet our little guy!
My friends John and Mandy are in the process of bringing baby Karsyn into the world, as we speak! So exciting!