Marriage is hard work.

I have always heard people say "marriage is hard" or "it takes work," something of that nature, and I have said it, myself. Though, now, when I say "marriage is hard," it has somewhat of a different meaning for me than it did early on. Tim and I are approaching our eighth anniversary. It's been a great eight years, though not excused of its own troubles and frustrations. Until recently, it sort of felt like this "mystery" that men and women are so different. You know, you get together with your girlfriends and start talking marriage, life, kids, etc. and it seems to be this ginormous coincidence that all of your husbands do the same sorts of things that irritate you. And men, you think it's so strange that all women are interested in talking about feelings and all the details of your day. But, it's not. It's not a mystery at all. Sure, we all have characteristics that are individual to us, but overall, God designed women from the same mold, and men from a different one. On purpose. He meant for us to be different. But, he meant for us to complete one another, fit together, work together, be a team. I was a ball player for a lot of years and so I think of it in this way: can you imagine being on a team with people who were all running different plays, and no one was communicating what they were doing and why?
I feel like one of the biggest keys to making a marriage work is simply understanding the opposite sex. That's not the only key, but it's a good start.
I feel fortunate, being married to Tim, in that we both are hard headed  share a stubbornness, that from the beginning, has allowed us to truly live and love with an "until death do us part," mentality. But, even that doesn't take you very far, because a lot of people stay in a marriage, but they stay miserable in a marriage. After the vows, and the choice to be in it for the long haul, there's still a lot of work to be done. I can honestly say I've never been miserable in my marriage, but I came to a point several months ago where I started to be discontent with the status quo. I look around and wonder why Christian marriages look the same as unbelievers' marriages, why they all have the same problems and the same cycles, and that bothered me. I wanted and want to live out marriage the way the Lord created it to be. Now before you think I'm getting all self righteous on you, just understand, it wasn't necessarily because I wanted to "do right," but more so because I wanted the best. If you'll notice, God shares designs for everything in life, in the Bible, and His way is always the best way. Even business owners who aren't Christians, but operate with Biblical principals, are more successful than others who don't.
So, I started asking the Lord to help me, show me, how to make what it's great, even better. Here's my advice: don't ask the Lord something, unless you're serious about it. He will show you, and then you are responsible for what you've learned. ("For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48)
So, over the last several months I've been doing a lot of reading (Bible and books) and listening [to podcasts], and have found what I believe is God's design for marriage. It's changing my life and the way I see and think about marriage, and relationships all together. and it IS hard work.
 I've started to feel like it's a treasure that people don't even know they need, and so I came here to share. I want to just give an overview of what I've found, in hopes that it may help or enrich someone else's life, too.
First off, I want to say the realization that's had the most impact on me, is recognizing that my marriage is not about me. and it's not even about my spouse. My marriage and how I treat my spouse is unto the Lord. On November 6, 2010, not only did I enter into a covenant with Tim, but I did it before the Lord. I made a vow to Tim, and I made a vow to the Lord. So, no matter what my spouse does or says, how he acts, or how I FEEL, I still have to honor MY vow to the Lord. Are you getting this? because it took me a minute. and then to actually do it, is another whole story, and that is why I said in the beginning that "marriage is hard work," has taken on a new meaning for me. Marriage is hard work = keeping your mouth shut when everything in your mind, will and emotions wants to use your mouth for destruction.
Main idea: your marriage is less about the relationship between you and your spouse, and more about the relationship between you and Jesus. 
So often, in marriage (or relationships, period) we wait for the other person to do what we think they should do or say, before we, ourselves, do what we should, like they have to earn the vow- that we already made- to do the things we promised we would do. The truth is, you have a responsibility, in honoring your covenant, to do them no matter what the other person does. In reality, it's often times that kind of honor, commitment and love that will elicit the response you've been wanting from that person. However, typically, when our spouse does something we don't like, we react disrespectfully or unlvoing, which perpetuates that vicious cycle. So right about now, you might be thinking "why do I have to be the one to "give in?" Because that's what marriage is. Dying to yourself. Literally, putting the other person before yourself.  I heard it explained this way: marriage is a covenant- giving up rights and taking on responsibilities, not a contract- protecting your rights and limiting your responsibilities. 
Jesus made a covenant with us. He died, first. Marriage is a model of Christ and the Church. You do the math.

More on marriage, coming soon...