Tuesday, January 15, 2019

My Journey Home

Today, it has been one year since I quit my job and came home to my family, full time. It has been one of, if not the best year of my life. It feels strange, and a little selfish, to say that because, financially, it was the toughest. It has also been a very difficult year for my husband. But, I think this is what is meant by that quote I’m sure you’ve heard that says something like “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”  I know, this is not a “real” or “paying” job, but it is a calling, and it is a blessing to be able to put all of my time and energy into it, rather than focusing on a “day job.” Granted, I had a job, previously, that I did enjoy and felt was a blessing as well, but when you talk about THAT thing, that one thing you’re passionate about, that you never get tired of, that you dreamed of all your life, the thing that gets you out of bed every morning, that thing you can do the next day even when you’ve taken Mucinex at 9:00 pm and literally not slept a wink all night (oops!), that one thing you simply couldn’t live without, that completely sets your soul on fire- for me, this is it- being a wife and mother.
A few years ago, I began to sense in my heart that I would get to stay home after our next baby was born. That was before I was pregnant with Jett, but I knew we would have another baby. I didn’t know how or when, but I just knew. Even when we got pregnant, physically we had no “evidence” that it would work out, so I didn’t feel like I could officially leave my job. However, in my heart, I was making plans. Tim felt the same way, but without a “plan,” all we could do was pray.
We had Jett, and I went on maternity leave September 19, 2017. When I left the office that day, I got in my car and said aloud to myself  “I won’t be back.” We didn’t share our thoughts with many because everyone is real gung ho in “trusting God,” as long as you have a concrete plan with 15 backups to make sure you can make it work, but when you say “Hey, it takes both incomes to make our house run, but we really feel the Lord pulling us in this direction, so we’re going to trust Him and whack one of our salaries,” trusting Him sort of flies out the window. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to wrestle snakes and “trust God” for the outcome- that’s just stupid. But, do you think Peter had a 5 step plan plus backup when he stepped out of that boat? My point is, practical wisdom is vital, but so is spiritual wisdom. There are times when He asks you to totally trust Him, even when you can’t see it. 
I had taken three months of maternity leave, then December came and we still didn’t see “a way,” so we put it off until the holidays were over. January came, and there was still no miracle that would’ve allowed us to make that move. However, the more we prayed and talked about it, the stronger we both felt it was necessary. He was asking us to take the leap, not knowing how it was going to work out.   It became so evident to us that we never actually had a “sit down” conversation where we made the final decision, we just both knew it was right. So, I went in and let my boss know what was going on, and never looked back. That’s not to say this was easy for us. It wasn’t. We questioned, wrestled, wondered if we were crazy, multiple times, but inevitably we decided to risk it all, in hopes of truly following Him.  Proverbs 3: 5-6 took on an all new, and very personal meaning. I think we like to use this verse for comfort when something doesn’t go as planned, as in “God has a plan, even though you don’t understand it,” but I saw it in a new light.
Trust in and rely confidently (not half heartedly) on the Lord (Your job is not your provider, He is your provider)
with ALL your heart. (ALL of it.) 
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  (For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord. Isaiah 55:8)
In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him.  (Check with Him on your plans and see what He has to say about them) 
And HE (not you) will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].  (He will make a way, when you don’t see a way)


And He has made more than good on His promises. We experienced many, many miracles (as in pages full, that we took care to make note of each time He made a way) in this past year, as we truly trusted Him every week, to see that everything was taken care of. It may have been hard, but given the chance, I wouldn’t change it. He honored me by calling me Home to be a wife and mother. He gave me the desire of my heart, just like He promised. And more than that, I had the opportunity to see Him provide in miraculous ways, that otherwise I never would’ve seen. He is Jehovah Jireh, “the Lord will provide,” but learning to trust Him as Jehovah Jireh, made a way for me to experience Him as Abba, “father,” in a way I never have before, and that is priceless.
That doesn’t mean it didn’t come with a cost. We had to adjust, and are still adjusting and making changes, but it was and is worth it, not just to be able to stay home, but to truly follow Him and His perfect will. I didn’t have to quit my job, and I don’t believe we would have been disobedient if I hadn’t, but there is a good, acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2) and we weren’t willing to settle for good or acceptable. His perfect will requires a little more from us. We can be comfortable and safe, and be in His good will, or we can jump out of the boat and see what adventure is waiting. I’ve spent most of my life playing it safe, but I can tell you this, there is nothing quite as freeing as walking on water! 

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