Marriage is hard work.

I have always heard people say "marriage is hard" or "it takes work," something of that nature, and I have said it, myself. Though, now, when I say "marriage is hard," it has somewhat of a different meaning for me than it did early on. Tim and I are approaching our eighth anniversary. It's been a great eight years, though not excused of its own troubles and frustrations. Until recently, it sort of felt like this "mystery" that men and women are so different. You know, you get together with your girlfriends and start talking marriage, life, kids, etc. and it seems to be this ginormous coincidence that all of your husbands do the same sorts of things that irritate you. And men, you think it's so strange that all women are interested in talking about feelings and all the details of your day. But, it's not. It's not a mystery at all. Sure, we all have characteristics that are individual to us, but overall, God designed women from the same mold, and men from a different one. On purpose. He meant for us to be different. But, he meant for us to complete one another, fit together, work together, be a team. I was a ball player for a lot of years and so I think of it in this way: can you imagine being on a team with people who were all running different plays, and no one was communicating what they were doing and why?
I feel like one of the biggest keys to making a marriage work is simply understanding the opposite sex. That's not the only key, but it's a good start.
I feel fortunate, being married to Tim, in that we both are hard headed  share a stubbornness, that from the beginning, has allowed us to truly live and love with an "until death do us part," mentality. But, even that doesn't take you very far, because a lot of people stay in a marriage, but they stay miserable in a marriage. After the vows, and the choice to be in it for the long haul, there's still a lot of work to be done. I can honestly say I've never been miserable in my marriage, but I came to a point several months ago where I started to be discontent with the status quo. I look around and wonder why Christian marriages look the same as unbelievers' marriages, why they all have the same problems and the same cycles, and that bothered me. I wanted and want to live out marriage the way the Lord created it to be. Now before you think I'm getting all self righteous on you, just understand, it wasn't necessarily because I wanted to "do right," but more so because I wanted the best. If you'll notice, God shares designs for everything in life, in the Bible, and His way is always the best way. Even business owners who aren't Christians, but operate with Biblical principals, are more successful than others who don't.
So, I started asking the Lord to help me, show me, how to make what it's great, even better. Here's my advice: don't ask the Lord something, unless you're serious about it. He will show you, and then you are responsible for what you've learned. ("For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48)
So, over the last several months I've been doing a lot of reading (Bible and books) and listening [to podcasts], and have found what I believe is God's design for marriage. It's changing my life and the way I see and think about marriage, and relationships all together. and it IS hard work.
 I've started to feel like it's a treasure that people don't even know they need, and so I came here to share. I want to just give an overview of what I've found, in hopes that it may help or enrich someone else's life, too.
First off, I want to say the realization that's had the most impact on me, is recognizing that my marriage is not about me. and it's not even about my spouse. My marriage and how I treat my spouse is unto the Lord. On November 6, 2010, not only did I enter into a covenant with Tim, but I did it before the Lord. I made a vow to Tim, and I made a vow to the Lord. So, no matter what my spouse does or says, how he acts, or how I FEEL, I still have to honor MY vow to the Lord. Are you getting this? because it took me a minute. and then to actually do it, is another whole story, and that is why I said in the beginning that "marriage is hard work," has taken on a new meaning for me. Marriage is hard work = keeping your mouth shut when everything in your mind, will and emotions wants to use your mouth for destruction.
Main idea: your marriage is less about the relationship between you and your spouse, and more about the relationship between you and Jesus. 
So often, in marriage (or relationships, period) we wait for the other person to do what we think they should do or say, before we, ourselves, do what we should, like they have to earn the vow- that we already made- to do the things we promised we would do. The truth is, you have a responsibility, in honoring your covenant, to do them no matter what the other person does. In reality, it's often times that kind of honor, commitment and love that will elicit the response you've been wanting from that person. However, typically, when our spouse does something we don't like, we react disrespectfully or unlvoing, which perpetuates that vicious cycle. So right about now, you might be thinking "why do I have to be the one to "give in?" Because that's what marriage is. Dying to yourself. Literally, putting the other person before yourself.  I heard it explained this way: marriage is a covenant- giving up rights and taking on responsibilities, not a contract- protecting your rights and limiting your responsibilities. 
Jesus made a covenant with us. He died, first. Marriage is a model of Christ and the Church. You do the math.

More on marriage, coming soon... 

One year ago.... reminiscing

At this time last year, Tim and I were in a hotel room in Conway, trying, with little success, to get some sleep. We had to be at the hospital at 3:00 a.m. that Wednesday morning. It was hot, the pillows were all wrong and we were overcome with excitement because we were soon to meet our baby boy. I remember that day, and even days before so well. Monday I’d cooked a roast in my crock pot (what’s new? Lol) and Judah wanted to have a picnic. He and I made our plates of roast and ate it on a blanket outside on the driveway. Well, I ate, he played. We colored with chalk and I was trying my very best to imprint that time with him in my memory (I guess it worked!), you know going through all the things in my head... “these are some of his last moments as the ‘baby’”.... “does he truly realize how much life is about to change?” ... Landon was spending the afternoon with his mom. We’d swapped the regular Tuesday since we were staying in Conway that next night. That Monday was also the last day I worked at Families, inc. Tuesday, the 19th, Judah and I went to lunch with my best friend, Laney before we headed out. We’d found out a week ago that day that she was also pregnant! Cue those hormones, and it’s no surprise that we shared more tears than pizza that day. We are pretty good at “cry baby” lunches. I remember having the hardest time leaving the house that day. It was hard, emotionally, but even almost physically. And it wasn’t even a “good” or “bad,” it was just emotional, period. It was something about knowing the next time I came home, everything would be different. Sometimes it’s hard to give up what’s great, even for what’s greater. When I closed the door behind me, I was literally closing the door to a chapter in our lives. However, as one closed, another opened, and now, I can barely remember our life without sweet Jett. All of my boys have been the beginning of realizing a dream for me. When I married Tim and Landon, I gained my own family! When I had Judah, I became “momma.” And when I had Jett, I got to walk away from a career and come home to my family. When I left Families, I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t be back, even though, physically, I had no way to prove it. I haven’t shared much about the details in that chapter, mainly because a lot of it is still being written. Though I will say, today, as I’m celebrating my “one year anniversary” of being Home, and tomorrow, my baby’s first birthday, this has hands down been one of the very best years of my life. Also the fastest. It’s been tough in some ways, and brought a lot of change and growth. Mostly though, I’ve seen, more than ever before, that God is faithful and He loves me, and He can be trusted. Some parts are not things I’d ever ask to experience, but given the chance now, I wouldn’t change it. How can we ever see God’s faithfulness if we never have to depend on Him? My hope is this, for anyone reading this:  I hope you get the chance to need Him in a way you’ve never needed Him, so you can see Him in a way you’ve never seen Him.

We made it to the hospital at 3:00 a.m. and delivered our perfect baby boy at 11:15 a.m. He surprised us big in two ways: 1. He weighed 8 lbs 2 oz, which was nearly 2 lbs lighter than expected! 2. He had the darkest hair!
I know that every mom says it, but I’m going to go ahead and say it too. I can’t believe he’s going to be one tomorrow. I rocked him tonight, read “Snuggle Puppy,” and sang him my own version of twinkle twinkle little star that I’ve been singing him all year ...
“momma loves you, baby boy, you bring my heart so much joy,
You make me smile every day, I hope you feel the same way”
I reminisced throughout the past year, longing a little for those precious newborn days, naps on the couch, nighttime nursing sessions, and all the milestones already reached. After I put him to bed, Judah and I made him a birthday cake while dad and Landon talked about their day. We read some Dr. Seuss, and after the big boys went to bed Tim and I put together Jett’s birthday present. It’s so funny to look back and think about anticipating a “big” change, and to now be fully settled into our new normal.
It’s also kind of funny how things come full circle. I was thankful to be with the man I love last year at this time, sharing our excitement and also our nervousness about the adjustment and changes, as he took my hand and prayed over all these things, and I am happy to be with him tonight, able to look back over the past year and see that prayer be answered continuously.
I am so incredibly thankful for that baby boy we welcomed one year ago! Jett Jett has changed our family forever, for the best, in more ways than I can count! He has the sweetest spirit, bluest eyes and the best smile! He is everything we dreamed of and more! Happy First Birthday to my sweet baby Jett Jett!

A letter to my Kindergartener

Today is the 13th day of Kindergarten, and my heart still drops a little every time I let you out of the car. I wait so eagerly for that "bye momma, I love you!" that reminds me how much you still are my baby boy. Though, as I watch you walk through those big doors, it's followed so closely by another reminder; you're growing so quickly, that I wonder how many more of those sweet goodbyes I have. I stretch my neck backward, as far as I can, driving away slowly, so I can watch you for as long as possible. I wish so badly I could watch you all day, as you learn the songs you sing for me in the afternoons, and as you stand in line with that big boy tray you've waited so long to hold, or especially to see that little girl "accidentally" kiss you, and hear you say "Do you SEE the teacher RIGHT THERE?" I imagine you talking and laughing with your friends, mostly about snakes, sharks and Nerf guns, and I wonder who all you play with outside and if you ever feel alone.
The week before you started Kindergarten, we shared a special day, just you and me. We went bowling and to McDonald's: your choice! Then we went to your favorite place, the pet store! You held all sorts of animals, and the highlight was that you were able to hold a Burmese Python. Still makes my skin crawl. But, when you say "It's okay mom, you don't have to be scared," I try to suck it up and allow you to stretch me outside of myself, just like you've done for the past 5.5 years. I admire you so much- your BIG personality, courage and wild spirit, the way your mouth speaks simultaneously with your thoughts, the way you feel so deeply, your love of animals and people, how you sit for hours, playing at the bar, with dinosaurs, angry birds, water bottles, legos, books...and anything else in sight, your creativity, your sensitivity to others and their feelings (even though this one keeps me on my toes), and the desire you have to learn everything you can! I fail to put into words just how amazing you are. I love everything about you and I am so proud of who you are. It's no wonder I was both ecstatic to share you with the world and also struggling because, selfishly, I wanted to keep you all to myself. As we left the pet store that day, hand in hand, running through what you were sure was a tsunami lol, I noticed everything a little more and enjoyed it more, too. I tried to soak in just how it felt to run through the rain with my little boy, noticing the way your smile caused mine. I tried to hear your laugh a little more and not rush the moment.
Kindergarten Eve came a few days later and I tried so hard to pull myself together. I wrapped you up on the couch and we prayed together about every little thing. You picked out which "thin" clothes you would wear for your first day. I folded them up and set them on your dresser, coincidentally right in front of all your framed newborn pictures. What a sobering moment, looking back at the new momma I was, holding my newborn, having not a clue how quickly this day would come. Though, also having not a clue just how much joy you would bring your dad and me. We snuggled up in your bed and read "The Night Before Big School" and "The Twelve Days of Kindergarten." Dad came in, and our big sixth grader, Landon, so we all could pray together. You noted feeling a little scared, so we all reassured you. Landon was extra helpful with that. Next, was night time kisses and lovins, and that was that. I hung up your shark back pack, tucked in your lunch money and wiped away a few tears. I wondered how I'd ever make it trying to drop you off at school, and prayed the Lord would help me hold myself together- knowing you would pick up on every little emotion.  .
The next morning you initially asked to stay in your pajamas, though quickly changed your mind as you ran down the hall declaring "It's time to man up!" You were dressed and ready with such ease, more so than ANY other morning lol Of course, I had to take pictures of you and Lan, but after that and breakfast (I made your favorite, cinnamon rolls!), Landon spent the rest of the morning talking with you, letting you know all the fun things you would do and helping you to know what you could expect. You gained more courage with every word he spoke. He does for you, what dad and I never could.
Daddy took Landon to school and then met us at Stagecoach Elementary. We walked down the hall together and approached Mrs. Brewer's class. You stopped just shy of the doorway, "Mom, can we talk about it? (which is how you've always handled it when you just need a minute to process and prepare.)"  "I don't think Kindergarten will be fun," you said. We reassured you it would be a blast and dad cleverly brought up your cubby. You remembered you were #6 and off you went through the door... a little too fast for me, might I add. You confidently walked to your cubby and put your bag away, and went straight to your chair as you announced "I'm not even scared anymore!" I, realizing this was going more quickly than anticipated and that it was nearly time for us to go, choked a little on the lump in my throat, asked for a quick kiss as I widened my eyes in attempt to stop the tears. As dad and I stood up to leave, you exclaimed to your teacher "I know all about it now, because my brother, Landon, told me!" I wrestled with turning around once more because I didn't want you to see the tears, but as I took a quick glimpse, I saw that you weren't even looking our way. It felt both incredible and heartbreaking. There was no hiding the tears anymore. The hall was full of encouraging teachers, doing their best to cheer up the moms like me. Daddy likes to laugh that other moms empathetically noted "Ah it's a Kindergarten mom," as they passed by me. Who has time or head space to care that you look a hot mess in a moment like that?
I was so incredibly thankful, ironically lol, that my car had to go to the shop that day. It was a beautiful distraction, considering Jett and I got to spend the day with Ganny, at her house, unaware of the new silence at ours.
I couldn't wait to pick you up that afternoon. There is no way to describe the joy I had when you jumped in the car with the biggest smile " I had a GREAT time! It was fun alright!" Though I did kind of enjoy "It was so cold at lunch and I wanted you." The rest of the week, your commentary was much the same, "I love Kindergarten!" and "It's great to be here!" I cried after drop off, just a smidge, every day except Friday. I thought I was good until Monday rolled around. It truly has been such an adjustment from having the boys here every day, to just Jett and me. Every season comes with sweet stuff, and sour stuff.
The school only allows you to walk your kids to class for the first week. Seeing as how the first day went so well, I knew it wouldn't be long until you'd want to walk to class all on your own. I thought I might have a few more days, though. So, on the second day I got up and dressed so I could walk you in. Imagine my surprise when you said you wanted to walk in alone. I suggested letting me walk you in today, and you could walk in alone the rest of the week, but you weren't having it. You tried to make a "deal" with me lol, that we could "take turns." Though, I inevitably  encouraged you to go ahead and walk in on your own, since you were ready. How bittersweet. To be so proud of your confidence and independence, and apprehensive at the same time. I was reminded just how hard, yet beautiful, the seasons of change can be. You had to make sure I would "give you lovins" before you got out. I was so thankful, and appreciative that I could still see my baby boy in that moment. I remembered "the kissing hand" you gave me the night before, "Now even if I go to school, momma will be with me!" Yes baby. Always.
My heart's desire is for you to grow and become the man the Lord has created you to be, but if I don't let go, you can't. The letting go has already started and I see glimpses of that man in my little boy, already. I prayed to the Lord, "Help me do my part. When those moments come, when he's asking in his own way, 'Will you let me go, mom? Can I take a step towards my destiny? Am I strong, courageous and independent enough?' Help me to always say 'yes!'"
This Kindergarten journey has already been just that: a journey. An incredible, exciting and fun one, at that. On Friday you came home with a "Warrior of the Week" award, and had also been named the "Star Student!" Not to my surprise, though it does this momma's heart so good to know that other people see in you, what I see in you! You've made many new friends, and recognized some old ones, even your buddy Cameron, from Tball. You absolutely adore your teacher (and I do, too!), which became evident at dinner after your second day of school, when you delegated each one of us a task to help in "making something sweet for Mrs. Brewer." You haven't even asked about your tattered and worn "blankey" that you've carried around for the last five years, even back and forth to Montessori school. You can swing all on your own, by pumping those long legs! You ask nearly every night to practice letters and are SO eager to learn. Also, after only two weeks of school, you know nearly all of the letter sounds, and to my surprise, read the word "zoo!" It is so much fun to watch you learn and grow! I think Kindergarten might be alright with me. As long as I get that "Love you momma" at drop off, and especially if I can keep the girls from "accidentally" kissing you.

Our 1st Summer

This is one of those “mostly for me” posts. Our summer is coming to an end; my first summer as a SAHM. I wanted to capture a typical day, although this one is not truly typical because Landon is gone on vacation with his mom.
We have spent our summer taking walks with Jett in the wagon, and the big boys on various wheels, playing “shark attack” on the swing set and letting Jett swing, visiting the library weekly (to rent movies, not books of course), going to the water park, playing at the park, baking, bowling, watching and rewatching those library movies lol, and most of all, not being at work or school or daycare. We got up when we (Jett) wanted to. We played outside in pajamas and bare feet. We had nowhere to be at any specific time. And I wasn’t out there hustlin’ like a social worker, praying for clients to appear out of nowhere!
The boys had their fair share of arguments, but on those days when they snuck off to get ready together and came out twinning, I knew it would be a good day! Both in “thin” (athletic) clothes, tall black socks (Judah’s are dress socks...), wet hair combed sideways and wearing daddy’s cologne. Bubby and JuJu. Thick as thieves.
Jett has ironed out a fantastic nap schedule and has been a dream! Easy going, even napping at the pool, little guy. He typically naps 9:30-10:45 and 2-4. Both are flexible, depending on when he wakes up in the morning! I’ve been using  the first nap for my own time, and the second I will watch movies with the boys, or read.
Landon unloads the dishwasher and takes out the trash every day, and Judah collects laundry. They both clean up their rooms (sometimes). I do a load of laundry every day, but thanks to recent decluttering and a decent routine, I don’t spend a lot of time cleaning etc.
So today, Jett woke up at 6:30. He’s teething pretty badly, so he was awake twice last night, which meant I wasn’t ready to wake up at 6:30. I brought him in bed with me until 7:30. I got to chat with my sweet sister this morning, which is something else I’m so thankful for since I’ve been home! She and Cantor take walks and we get to chat, or I’ll call her while we’re walking Lol Judah woke up and wanted breakfast. Honey combs. I made his cereal. He pours the milk. I made Jett some oatmeal. He ate 1.5 bowls and a piece of peanut butter toast. He is a bottomless pit! We play in the floor for a while. I move the ottoman and sit at the edge of the rug to corral our mobile baby. Judah insists on making Jett a house out of couch cushions, so we did just that! We went outside to swing and Jett squeals with excitement! Judah wants to be pushed high in the swing and is just learning to jump out. He jumps out and asks “how high was I?” every time, and tries to beat it the next. We come in so Jett can nap. While he’s sleeping Judah and I get ready for the pool and do our chores. Then,  we make some lunch. I carried everything onto the back porch for a “picnic” just in time for Jett to wake up. I carried it all back in, made Jett’s lunch and got him up to eat. He ate for an hour...
It has been a lot cooler this week and the pool was chilly! We played there for over 3 hours. Jett is so good to get a power nap and wake up as happy as ever! I tried my best to capture Judah on video, as he danced everywhere he went. I was skeptical of taking three boys to the pool, alone, but we’ve been doing it weekly all summer, and it really has been great!
Today is Wednesday and Tim goes from work to church, so we’re on our own for dinner. Today we ate leftover lasagna.  On most days,  I will cook dinner while Jett throws crunchies on the floor and runs over them in his walker, and the big boys play outside.
We are pretty consistent about eating dinner at 6, because Jett goes to bed at 7:30. Then we get to snuggle the big boys while we tell them they’re going to bed  and then let them stay up an hour past....  baths get thrown in there somewhere. Tonight, Judah wanted to snuggle in my bed amd “look at different species of snakes” on my phone, folllowed by “funny cat videos,” and finishing it off with a bowl of honeycombs. I wouldn’t trade those time for anything.
I put him to bed, then sobbed myself stupid, reading a letter about kindergarten. He starts in 13 days. I can’t talk about it yet. Right now, we’re soaking up the last of our summer days because too soon he will be in school, Landon will be a 6th grader, amd Jett and mommy will be missing them....
This summer has been all I’ve ever wanted and more. Sometimes I still can’t believe I’m getting to do this, but most of the time it feels so natural that I barely remember not doing it. I feel so grateful to have shared this summer with them! ❤️

These 3 things.

I’m going to share a few “new” things I’ve been trying lately that seem to be working for me. Totally random, but maybe they’ll be helpful for someone else!
It turns out, there’s a little more to “adapting” to my new [best] job [ever] than I may have thought. All good things, but in the past few weeks I’ve stumbled onto a blog/podcast that has challenged and inspired me, especially in my motherhood, “homemaker” role, but truly in every area of my life I can think of. I’ve already gushed about it to some of you, but seriously, you guys should check her out- Allie Casazza, “The Purpose Show.”
Anyway, so I’ve been trying to find a “new normal” I guess, which is not always real consistent with a 7 month old. After all, I did lose a 3 hour battle today, trying to get him to nap. Normally, he naps great! I’ve been trying to do some things differently and work on a routine of sorts. I posted a little about that a few weeks ago. So here are my “things.”

1. Doing ONE load of laundry every day. I gather up the clothes from everyone’s baskets in the morning and throw them in. Then sometime during the day, I dry them (and usually at another point in the day, dry them agin 😂), then I make sure to fold them and put them up every night before I go to bed. One reason  this method would not work for you: 1. If you have something against washing everything together, because I definitely toss it all in.
It toook me a day or so to catch up so that I’d only have one each day, but it truly has helped!

These things don’t fit together at all, by the way lol

2. “Training” my hair, so that I don’t have to wash it daily, because it SAVES SO MUCH TIME! I realize that I’m late to this party, but my hair is so fine/thin and gets oily easily so I’ve always felt like I needed to wash it daily. This week is my second, and I have washed on the 1st and 4th days. That third day is rough, and I wear a hat if I go anywhere. Everything I read about it says your hair will “get the hint” after a few weeks since it’s a “cycle” you have to break. If you wash daily, your hair creates more oil. In short, I can already tell a difference on wash day because my hair feels healthy! Hoping for good results.

Ok, last thing. Hear me out on this. I haven’t even typed it out and I can feel some eye rolls coming, and I if I hadn’t tried for myself, I would be one of those eye rollers too, because “who has time for all that!”  So...

3. Making my own baby food. Now, I don’t get too crazy. I still store buy some, and I don’t have anything against store bought, if you’re wondering. But, there are several that are EASY and CHEAP.  
A lot of them can be steamed super quick (grab those steamer bags from Wal-Mart. I don’t even own a steamer basket), or butternut squash, for example, cooks easily in the oven. When I was telling my bf about this stuff, she says “So what all equipment do I need for that?”
Blender
Ice trays
Ziplock bags.
That’s it. I cook it, throw it in the blender, freeze it in ice cube trays and then store it in ziploc bags in the freezer (for up to three months!).  So far, I’ve done butternut squash, peas (frozen), zucchini, carrots, bananas, apples (a tad more involved with the peeling and cutting), green beans, sweet potatoes, pumpkin (canned)... I think that’s all. If you’ve done this, or have any other ideas on it, I’d love to hear them.
Just for example, a pound of carrots is .78. I can make 7-10 (or more) servings with that, as opposed to 2 store bought servings for $1.28.

Ok, so that’s that. And just in time. I’ve been finishing this post while sitting in my car outside my house because Jett was finally sleeping. 😅 What weirdo things have you done in the name of a sleeping baby?!

#takeiteasyonmymommaheart

My babiest baby is seven months old today. How? I know everyone feels like time moves in fast forward, but I truly cannot wrap my head around how he is seven months old. We are SUPER excited that my brother and sister in law are pregnant with their second sweet bundle! But, I  had to break the news to her that the second baby seems to grow even faster than the first. Maybe it’s because you sort of know what to expect and have seen all the milestones before. I don’t know. But it goes in hyper speed, and because it does, it seems like the urge to hold onto all the special moments is even stronger.
After we had Jett, we ended up staying at the hospital an extra day and were so ready to go home. I was so ready to be with my big boys and to wrap my mother hen wings around my whole family. However, as we got into the car to leave, I remember feeling overcome with emotion, realizing for the first time that it seemed so much quicker. I couldn’t believe the pregnancy was over, that he was already here and just like that we were on our way home. I think, for just a second, I grieved the end of that season. I can put it into coherent words now. Then, not so much lol I was an emotional wreck, of course, and that scenario actually went down more like this:
Me: Laughing, smiling, ready to go... two seconds later... bawling like a crazy person. To Tim, “This is just a warning. I’m feeling some kind of way.”
Tim: 🤔😑
After that “experience,” I wanted so badly to slow it down. I’m about to just be really honest and open, so if y’all think I’m crazy, so be it. When the nurse was doing my IV, she blew a vein. My skin has always bruised easily and badly anyway, so I had a huge- seriously huge- bruise on my left arm. I looked at it every day, wanting it to still be there, unchanged. If the bruise was still there, his birth was still close. I would reach around my back and feel the spot where the epidural was. Again, if I could still feel it, he was still a newborn. In fact, I remember the day, the moment, that I could no longer feel it. And to myself, I let out a few tears and reflected on the past several days with my new baby boy.
Overall, throughout my pregnancy, delivery and postpartum with Jett, I was a lot more enotional, so it was no surprise that I struggled some after we got home. It was kind of like, you know how if you’re going through a difficult time, like a break up or the loss of someone, you have this odd, lonely feeling that makes you want to stay in your house, because “no one out there understands,” and it feels a little like the world should not be going on around you, but somehow it is. That’s how I felt. And I was a little angry, almost, like “We just had a baby! Literally, just brought this life into the world and EVERYTHING is different!” And within a few days...days. Days. The boys have to go back to school, and husband has to go back to work. You’re just expected to go on, life as usual and I really wanted to be able to stop time, and “Can we please just have a minute to stand in awe of this perfect baby and this beautiful time in our lives?”
I soaked in those early days, weeks, and before long was feeling pretty “normal” myself. Our new normal, at least.
Then, you sleep a couple of times and are all of a sudden, taking pictures of the baby you had 2 days ago, sittting up and wearing a 7 month sticker. And in that same week, you may have had to register your first baby for Kindergarten, and question whether or not ice cream is still a valid celebration for a 5th grade progress report.
Sometimes, the growing and changing is more obvious than others, and puts a little more strain on our momma hearts. In those times, it serves us best, to focus on EVERY great thing that comes with EVERY changing season of our kiddos lives! (Life lesson credit goes to my own momma for this one!)
And for the love of mommas everywhere, don’t dismiss those more mature mommas, who stare at you and your babies with adoring smiles when you pass them in the mall or the grocery store. Welcome them. Engage them. LISTEN to them. Give them 5 whole minutes of your time and allow them to stroll down memory lane, to reminisce about the days we get to live now. Whether it’s the momma in the barber shop, whose “baby in that first chair is turning 16 tomorrow,” or the Cracker Barrel employee whose “youngest baby just turned 63,” I just know their hearts still feel that same tug, their throats that big lump, their eyes those soft tears, when they look back on all the time that has passed, seemingly overnight. One day momma, you will want that young mother to welcome you, too.

Intentional

I’m kind of a middle of the road-er when it comes to planning. Like, I don’t have the next 6 months of my life planned out by the millisecond (though I seem to attract people who do lol and I am so grateful for them and their planning antics because they keep me balanced!), but I also don’t totally fly by the seat of my pants (I know my favorite planner is disagreeing with me right now lol). I kind of have a general idea of what’s going on, and then let it ride. When I was working, I had to be very self disciplined because I ran my own schedule- and I did fine with that. I may plan which schools I was going to, or which kids I was going to see, but wouldn’t schedule it by the minute, you get the picture. But lately, I have been drawn to be more intentional. I LOVE these days at home, but after the first few days of trying to be on a tight schedule, I quickly let it go because that is not reasonable with a 5 year old and 6 month old- at least it’s not reasonable for me. And I’m good with that. But, it also is not working, to just meander through the days, weeks, months and wonder what you’ve been doing with the wind you’re sucking. So, I feel like I’m in the process- and I realize it’s a process- of finding my balance. Flexible intentionality, maybe? I just made that up.
God speaks in so many ways, and in the past two weeks He’s used a book and a blog by two similar, but different, incredible women to seriously get my attention about this, and a few other things: living intentionally, taking time for myself to be alone and to be with the Lord, to be present in motherhood, marriage and LIFE, overall, to THRIVE, rather than just SURVIVE, to be intentional and positive with my words, to clear the clutter from my home and my head and make space in both for WHAT matters!! And that means, asking myself to be really, really, really honest with myself about what actually does matter. I’ve heard twice this week, if you want to see what really matters in your life, imagine someone watching you all day, and what they would see that your priorities are. Let that sink in for a minute. Stings a little, huh?
So, this week has looked just a little different for us. We’ve cleaned Judah’s room and removed 6 trash bags full of stuff. Did a little organization to help him keep his room up better on his own, and we both feel a million times better. I’ve done some easy and obvious decluttering, like pulling out 4 trash bags full of blankets and sheets we haven’t used in the 3 years we’ve been in this house, threw out two lamps that haven’t worked in months, and a couple of baskets full of kitchen items that have been falling out on me every time I open any cabinet in my kitchen. Basically, if I don’t love it or we don’t use it, it’s gone. Oddly enough, we’ve still had time to practice math with sidewalk chalk, have a picnic and play at the park. And I do still have quite a bit of de cluttering to do.
This morning, after I got up with Jett at 5, I stayed up. I thought If I could get my shower out of the way, I’d feel good and save time later in the day. So that was great, but by now I need a nap lol However, the balance is that I decided to use this time, instead, while Jett is napping, to write a new post, which I’ve been wanting to do for a while. Annnd the other part (can we just call it balance, too? Ha!) is that Judah (who normally doesn’t watch tv during the day) is getting a little time with his favorite Duck Dynasty guys lol. He is obsessed. My 5 year old runs around hollering “HEY!” And “GOOD GRIEF!” like Uncle Si. Though, by now, he’s moved on to barricading me into a pillow hut and jumping on my head, so I’ve bought as much time as I can.
I’m excited to be on this “journey” I guess I’ll call it!  I hope to make some positive, lasting changes that will make me a better wife, mom and person.

Intentional- done on purpose; deliberate

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.”  Proverbs 29:18